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It's a big world out there, wear protection! written @ 5:12 p.m. on November 06, 2003 I am eally getting used to being alone now. Working all day, coming home. Cleaning and packing. Taking care of Dharma. Bring food to Scott at work. And loving every minute of it. What is the definition of maturity, responsibility and of being a grown up? I think that alot of it leads up to being lonely. Not really in a bad way though, let me tell you. I just don't have friends, really. Besides my Scotty. And that's okay. I don't really have alot of time for anybody else. I sort of like it this way. It sets your mind straight, and I don't have to deal with any high-schoolesque bullshit. It is very peaceful, and a little boring. I'm just a boring sort of person though, I guess. I don't really get those sort of yearnings anymore to go and hang out with the "group" anymore. Since Halloween, (and even before) I've really come to terms with the fact that I different. I am actually glad that I didn't start college with them this year. I would just be stuck in some stupid rut, and focusing on things that aren't relevant. College really is so much like highschool. I guess it is a good thing that I did it during highschool. But, I suppose it is a "growing experience" for some. It would just look like a waste of time to me. I may take a night class next semester, but just for fun. I really have no need for college, being that I already have a college required job. I was talking to my supervisor today. She said that they interviewed alot of people for that job. They turned them down. Then they found me. I have, "An outstanding show of maturity and responsible nature for a woman my age." She sounds just like my old boss. I've never fit in well with peers my age too much. I've always wanted different things. Marriage, children, a house... a car... a life. I hate to tell them that they are wrong about some things, or that they just have no idea what they are talking about. But I can't. So I don't. That is basically why I'm not around them very much anymore. Kaity was cool to hang out with, but she is so loyal to Neona. It doesn't work. Oh-well... I have my puppy. She loves me, regardless of my marital status.
"As fire lights the wood it consumes, so the soul illuminates the body with consciousness."
- Srimad Bhagavatam
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