Independance in the City.
written @ 12:12 p.m. on August 28, 2003

They are starting college. I am so jealous. I'm not at all sure why. I thought that I would be just fine with it. After all, I went to college at night all through high school. I want to go to art school. The art program at UAS isn't so bad. I would love to take a few classes. *Sigh* the money issue.

I am so broken right now. I am torn in every area of my life.

I am starting my new job at the end of September. It is exciting. I have looked forward to this for awhile. I hope it works out. I hope my mother doesn't hate me.

I am an 18 year old female. I live with my 33 year old boyfriend (who loves me very much), am seeing an 18 year old guy on the side (I LOVE your piercing Brent)... what can I say... I really dig boys. I just quit my job that I've had for a year and a half. I am doomed to never have children, thus I have my beautiful Miniature Schnauzer, Dharma... whom I love more than life.

My hair looks awful right now. I spent twenty dollars on two boxes of burgandy hair dye (I have alot of hair)... and it only showed up at my roots. It's sad...)

I am going to try to give some of my paintings to a woman at the "hippie" store at the mall. I want to see if they'll sell them if I give them a percentage of the profit. It would be very cool. Maybe then I will feel successful. Maybe then I won't feel worthless.

No matter what though, I have my girls. La Nynia, Nona, Kaity, and Tai... I would be so alone if it wasn't for you. I don't think I could function. I need you guys. I love you very much. More than any guy... More than any pair of shoes.

Most of me is broken, but my heart is starting to feel full again. It hasn't felt full since Ross. He is no longer a part of me though. After 2 years together, and 7 months apart... I think I have finally fallen out of love with him. Maybe it's Scott, maybe it's Brent, maybe it's me... I think it's me.

I am independant.

obsticles - enlightenment

*Nona* *Kaity Bug* *La Nynia* *Brently* *Tai*

"As fire lights the wood it consumes, so the soul illuminates the body with consciousness."
- Srimad Bhagavatam